


Behind a closed door

by Skyrissian (ErinacchiLove)



Series: The Return of Hope & Appendices [6]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Clothed Sex, Crack, F/F, Han Solo Lives, Han Solo Wishes He Could Die, Implied Mutual Masturbation, M/M, Millennium Falcon Is Not Your Sex Wagon, Oral Sex, POV Han Solo, Rey Calrissian-Skywalker, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-26 14:53:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18284546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErinacchiLove/pseuds/Skyrissian
Summary: People keep having sex in the Falcon's cockpit, and for some reason Han just keeps walking in on them. Press F to pay respects for Han's poor corneas.





	Behind a closed door

**Author's Note:**

> Exactly what it says in the description. This was written in the middle of the night to relieve some stress over my Bachelor's thesis.
> 
> Reading The Return of Hope is not necessary to enjoy this fic, but go read it anyway ;)
> 
> Enjoy!

The door to the _Falcon’s_ cockpit was closed. That was odd, Han thought. He sure as hell hadn’t left it closed, Chewie never bothered to do that, and Han couldn’t think of anyone else who might’ve had any business in the cockpit. Leia was working to rebuild the Senate (at seven months pregnant Han had nothing but respect to his wife) and there was absolutely no reason for anyone else to be there.

    And that was when he heard it. Muffled moaning. Han froze. He knew what that meant. Sure, it wasn't as if he hadn't got a bit wild in the cockpit with Leia, but this was his ship! People couldn't just come in and… Han didn't even want to finish that sentence.

   Han opened the door and instead of the empty cockpit he had hoped to see he saw Lando and Luke.

    Very naked Lando and Luke, spread on the control panel, tangled together so that if it wasn't for the stark contrast of their skin tones it would've been hard to tell where one of them ended and the other started. Their clothes lay forgotten on the chairs, and the way they moved really didn't leave much room for imagination.

    Han, being very calm and collected, reacted to this in the only logical way.

    “MY EYES! MY EYES!”

    Lando and Luke startled, nearly jumped apart but kept holding each other, and looked up. While Luke hid his very red face against Lando's chest, Lando just sighed and rolled his eyes at Han. His unimpressed expression wasn't a stranger. Han had received that face a lot through the years.

    “You know, when a door is closed it usually has a very specific meaning.”

    “What the hell are you doing here?!” Han demanded, feeling like his voice was two octaves higher than usual. “You have your own ship!”

    To that Lando didn't have an answer. Instead, Luke looked up and said, “Han, we're really sorry. In our defense, we didn't… exactly plan this. This just sort of… happened.”

    Han stared at Luke and opened and closed his mouth in aghast a few times before blurting out, “How is that a defense?!”

    “In that it's Luke's polite way to ask you to leave,” Lando answered.

    Han had several things to say to that, most of them profanities, but instead he took a deep breath.

    “Never,” he said, “ever, ever, let me catch you doing that in my ship or I swear my child will only have one uncle!”

    “Then don't walk in when the door is closed!” Lando exclaimed.

    Okay, time to retreat. Han would figure out a way to get back at Lando and Luke later. And he would get back at them.

 

* * *

 

Han was very tired, but he still had some diagnostics to run on the _Falcon_. He felt like he hadn't done that in ages, and while it wasn't the most interesting of works to do on the ship, Han had missed it. Rey had taken exceptionally good care of the _Falcon_ , and Han had no problem leaving her to his niece's care (even if she had cheated to win the _Falcon_ from him), but that didn't mean that he didn't want to do some things himself.

    As Han was about to get in the cockpit he realized that the door was only slightly open. Oh no. This gave him a little bit too vivid flashback. Surely Rey wouldn't… she was more sensible than both of her fathers put together (bad choice of words, Solo, very bad), of course she wouldn't!

    Just taking a quick peek proved that Han was very wrong. Rey's head was buried in between her girlfriend Rose's thighs. And of course Rose had to be sitting in the captain's chair. At least the two girls had some clothes on. That was the only upside Han could give the situation.

    “Are you kriffing kidding me?!” Han exclaimed before he could stop himself.

    Rey and Rose looked up, and Han could swear Rey's unimpressed expression was identical to Lando's.

    “This is my ship now,” she said. “I can go down on my girlfriend in my own ship.”

    “You could've at least left a don't disturb note!” Han grumbled at his niece. Rose had squeezed her lips together, looking like she was trying not to laugh. Great. This was just what Han had wanted, to walk in on people having sex in the cockpit of his ship twice.

    Rey huffed. “Well normal people knock when they see a closed door!”

    Han shook his head. “You're _just_ like your fathers, you know that?”

    “Thanks, I do try.”

    Now Rose couldn't hold back her laughter anymore. Han had never wanted to die more.

    “That was not a kriffing compliment!”

    “Whoa, you go down on Aunt Leia with that mouth?”

    And that was when Han knew he was fighting a losing battle and turned around to leave. What the kriff was wrong with that side of the family?! Why were they all so hellbent on having sex in the _Falcon’s_ cockpit?!

    Han needed a drink.

    The bar on _Home One_ was empty apart from Lando and Luke, who were watching a holovideo of the destruction of the second Death Star. Perfect. Han grabbed a bottle of Corellian wine and walked over to them.

    “Oh, hi, Han,” Luke said with a wide smile. “Wanna join us?”

    “So I just walked in on my niece and her girlfriend getting hot and heavy in the cockpit of my ship,” Han said bluntly. “Remind you of anyone?”

    “ _Your_ ship?” Lando repeated, raising an eyebrow at Han. “Last I checked Rey won her from you fair and square.”

    “She cheated and you know that!” Han exclaimed.

    “Yeah, well, so did you when we did it so I guess we're even!”

    Luke buried his face in his hand. “I can't believe we're having this conversation. Han, I don't know if you know this, but people usually don't wanna hear about their children's sex lives.”

    Han groaned. “I do know that! I'm just having a little bit too vivid flashbacks about certain something that happened years ago because no one bothers to put up don't disturb signs anymore!”

    “Was the door closed?” Lando asked.

    “It was open… a bit,” Han admitted. “Not enough to put your foot in.”

    Lando spread his hands as if to say _well there you have it_. “So maybe next time don't walk in if the door is closed or as good as.”

    Han sat down and took a long sip from the wine bottle. How he hated when Lando was right.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are appreciated^^


End file.
